Uncle Josh Plays Golf

WALL, about two weeks ago the boys sed to me,
Uncle we'd like to hav you cum out and play a
game of golf. Wall, they took me out behind
the woodshed whar mother couldn't
see us and them durned boys dressed
your uncle up in the dogondest suit of
clothes I ever had on in my life. I had on a
pair of socks that had more different colors
in 'em than in Joseph's coat. I looked like
a cross atween a monkey and a cirkus rider,
and a-goin' across the medder our turkey
gobbler took after me and I had an awful
time with that fool bird. I calculate as how
I'll git even with him 'bout Thanksgiving
time.

Wall, the boys took me into the paster,
and they had it all dug up into what they
called a "T," and they had a wheelbarrer
full of little Injun war clubs. They called
one a nibbler, and another a brassie, and a
lot of other fool names I never heerd afore,
and can't remember now. Then they
brought out a little wooden ball 'bout as big
as a hen's egg, and they stuck it up on a
little hunk of mud. Then they told me to
take one of them thar war clubs and stand
alongside of the ball and hit it. Wall, I jist