alien, nor a naturalised Texas mule-tender, nor an adventurer on the
instalment plan. _I_ don't tag after our consul when he comes around,
expecting the American Eagle to lift me out o' this by the slack of my
pants. No, sir! If a Britisher went into Indian Territory and shot up his
surroundings with a Colt automatic (not that _she's_ any sort of weapon,
but I take her for an illustration), he'd be strung up quicker'n a
snowflake 'ud melt in hell. No ambassador of yours 'ud save him. I'm my
neck ahead on this game, anyway. That's how I regard the proposition.

"Have I gone gunning against the British? To a certain extent, I presume
you never heard tell of the Laughton-Zigler automatic two-inch field-gun,
with self-feeding hopper, single oil-cylinder recoil, and ballbearing gear
throughout? Or Laughtite, the new explosive? Absolutely uniform in effect,
and one-ninth the bulk of any present effete charge--flake, cannonite,
cordite, troisdorf, cellulose, cocoa, cord, or prism--I don't care what it
is. Laughtite's immense; so's the Zigler automatic. It's me. It's fifteen
years of me. You are not a gun-sharp? I am sorry. I could have surprised
you. Apart from my gun, my tale don't amount to much of anything. I thank
you, but I don't use any tobacco you'd be likely to carry... Bull Durham?
_Bull Durham!_ I take it all back--every last word. Bull Durham--here! If
ever you strike Akron, Ohio, when this fool-war's over, remember you've
Laughton O. Zigler in your vest pocket. Including the city of Akron. We've
a little club there.... Hell! What's the sense of talking Akron with no
pants?

"My gun? ... For two cents I'd have shipped her to our Filipeens. 'Came
mighty near it too; but from what I'd read in the papers, you can't trust
Aguinaldo's crowd on scientific matters. Why don't I offer it to our army?
Well, you've an effete aristocracy running yours, and we've a crowd of
politicians. The results are practically identical. I am not taking any