Plymouth Rock.

Saratoga is still the place for SARA to patronize. The chief objection
to that place is that the water is so muddy that they call it Congress
Water. However, you soon become infatuated with it. I once saw a very
stout lady imbibe sixteen glasses of the water, and as I left the scene
of dissipation she was screaming for more. I concluded that she was a
sister-in-law to BOREAS. A young and tender Sixteenth Amendment, who was
a three-quarter orphan, (she had only a step-father,) has been known to
drink, unaided, thirty glasses of Saratoga water in twenty-four hours.
Can Mr. WESTON beat that? I forgot to say that she survived. The
difference between Long Branch and Saratoga is, that at the former you
take salt water externally, while at the latter you take salt and water
internally.

Newport is still appropriately situated on Rowed Island. None but the
select deserve Newport. However, they say Old Gin is the next best
thing. You can rent a cottage by the sea and see what you can. (I may
add that you can also rent a cottage by the year, though I believe the
view is not any finer on that account.) Beware of the tow! This is not a
warning against _blondes_, but against rolls.

The proper thing to do at Newport is thus: A scented youth, with a
perfumed damsel resting on his arm, wanders at eventide down to the sea
to hear the majestic waves roll upon the beach. Having selected a
suitable spot, the pair sit down and then make night hideous with "What
are the wild waves saying?"

Niagara is perched upon its Erie. To a man of a reflective mind this is
an unpleasant place. As he gazes on the rushing flood he thinks of the