Father Sergius by Leo Nikoleyevich Tolstoy
page 22 of 66 (33%)
page 22 of 66 (33%)
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'And does he receive all visitors?' 'Yes, everybody, but not always.' 'Cover up my feet. Not like that--how clumsy you are! No! More, more--like that! But you need not squeeze them!' So they came to the forest where the cell was. Makovkina got out of the sledge, and told them to drive on. They tried to dissuade her, but she grew irritable and ordered them to go on. When the sledges had gone she went up the path in her white dogskin coat. The lawyer got out and stopped to watch her. It was Father Sergius's sixth year as a recluse, and he was now forty-nine. His life in solitude was hard--not on account of the fasts and the prayers (they were no hardship to him) but on account of an inner conflict he had not at all anticipated. The sources of that conflict were two: doubts, and the lust of the flesh. And these two enemies always appeared together. It seemed to him that they were two foes, but in reality they were one and the same. As soon as doubt was gone so was the lustful desire. But thinking them to be two different fiends he fought them separately. 'O my God, my God!' thought he. 'Why dost thou not grant me faith? There is lust, of course: even the saints had to fight that--Saint Anthony and others. But they had faith, while I have moments, hours, and days, when it is absent. Why does the whole world, with all its delights, exist |
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