V

For some weeks Father Sergius had been living with one persistent
thought: whether he was right in accepting the position in which he had
not so much placed himself as been placed by the Archimandrite and
the Abbot. That position had begun after the recovery of the
fourteen-year-old boy. From that time, with each month, week, and day
that passed, Sergius felt his own inner life wasting away and being
replaced by external life. It was as if he had been turned inside out.

Sergius saw that he was a means of attracting visitors and contributions
to the monastery, and that therefore the authorities arranged matters in
such a way as to make as much use of him as possible. For instance, they
rendered it impossible for him to do any manual work. He was supplied
with everything he could want, and they only demanded of him that he
should not refuse his blessing to those who came to seek it. For his
convenience they appointed days when he would receive. They arranged a
reception-room for men, and a place was railed in so that he should not
be pushed over by the crowds of women visitors, and so that he could
conveniently bless those who came.

They told him that people needed him, and that fulfilling Christ's law
of love he could not refuse their demand to see him, and that to avoid
them would be cruel. He could not but agree with this, but the more he
gave himself up to such a life the more he felt that what was internal
became external, and that the fount of living water within him dried
up, and that what he did now was done more and more for men and less and
less for God.

Whether he admonished people, or simply blessed them, or prayed for the