buy--what you call--gunboats and big guns and powder and balls for
shoot, but you no lettee Cuba buy. I ask some peoples how that is. They
tella me Nootrality. Funny ting, Nootrality. Fraid Japanee mans stoopid,
no can understand hims now. Never mind. Learn bimeby.

Anoder ting. I no hear any one say General GRANT great mans. Only say he
go muchee to clam bake, go fishee and much smokee. Dat's all. Why you
makee him you ruler then? Because that he so much smokee? Tings much
different here from Japan. Tycoon or Mikado no go clam bake, no go
fishee. Stay at home and govern Japanee. No time go fishee. Only smoke
opium sometimes. Why General GRANT no smokee opium too? Good ting for
Japanee trade.

Since that I arrivee here much peoples aska me about hari-kari. One mans
he aska me if that what Japanee mans eat. I laugh great deal, and tella
him Japanee mans much prefer bird nest soup and shark fin. Then he laugh
much great deal too. Why? The other day I tread on Professor mans foot.
He old mans, much fat, with red nose and--how you call--gout. He swear
one little swear, but no much loud, and look much 'fended. I say him,
"No be 'fended," and proposee him hari-kari for--how you
call--satisfaction. He much sprise, and say, "What hari-kari?" Then I
tella hims that he should rip him ups and then I rip me ups--so. So
Japanee mans do when not satisfy. Then he laugh much great deal, say he
no 'fended, much satisfy, and shakee hands.

People here much friendly. Often say "Go drinkee with me." I say them I
no go drinkee. They aska me "why not?" I say them Japanee man no want go
talkee to lamp-post, shakee hands with pump, and try for makee light him
cigar with door-key. So it make American man do. Drinkee no good for
Japanee mans. Japanee TOMMY too much fond--what you call--cobblers.