him into scenes pervaded by the female leg to an extent that easily
reconciles him to the successive loss of five years of his life. He
finally becomes King of Egypt, and, after having fought against the
Crusaders in defence of those well-known Mohammedan gods, ISIS and
OSIRIS, is carried down a trap by exulting demons. An Intolerable Comic
Man opens up hitherto unknown wastes of dreariness, and sings a comic
song that is positively more tedious than an article from the _Nation_.
The Demoniac Servant is continually shot up through spring traps, in
order to remark, "Ha! ha!" and to immediately disappear again. The Aged
Mother travels from Flanders to Egypt without changing her dress or
combing her back hair, for the vain purpose of begging "ULLERIC" to
repent. Consumptive Knights fight terrific broad-sword duels with a
thirst for combat that beer alone is subsequently able to allay. The
Virtuous HEROINE displays a very neat pair of ankles, but without
winning "ULLERIC" from the devil of his ways. Half a dozen ballets are
successively introduced, in which the skirts of the dancers are seen to
decrease as rapidly and steadily as the stripes on ULRIC'S magic collar.
Finally, a grand Transformation Scene, which has nothing whatever to do
with the play, exhibits the best legs of the company in the most
favorable attitudes, and the green baize curtain falls upon the great
spectacle of the day.

_Virtuous Matron._ "Well, I never! It's positively indecent. I'd like to
take a whip to those shameless hussies."

_Sceptical Husband._ "PAGE offered me a proscenium box the other day.
Suppose we take it to-morrow night?"

_Virtuous Matron._ "I'll go to please you, my dear. And really the
scenery is pretty."