our ears; but for the sake of a new sensation, we shall be willing to
risk them. We can imagine at this moment, the astounding effect of the
Grand Double Palaver! All the Senators and Representatives are either
barking, or bawling, or screaming, or shouting, or yelling in the
Capitol, while, to complete the elocutionary duet, all the American
women are simultaneously indulging the unruly and unbridled member. What
the precise effect will be we don't profess to say; but we confidently
predict some valuable discovery in the science of acoustics.

* * * * *

FORTY-FOUR TO FOURTEEN.

[IN WHICH THE YOUNG MEN OF THE PERIOD ARE TAKEN IN HAND.]

Forty-four is going to talk (with a pen) to Fourteen. I am a female; and
forty-four, as just hinted, is my age. Fourteen is also a female--just
the age I was once. How I recollect that day! I was full of romance and
hope; now I've no romance, little hope, and some wrinkles. It is a fine
thing to be fourteen. I should like to go back there, and make a long
visit. But that can't be. How much I wish it could! If only there were
life-renewers as well as hair-renewers! They called me pretty at
fourteen--said I had pretty ways, (one of them was one hundred and
thirty-five avoirdupois,) and would certainly be a belle. But I proved
too much for that. One hundred and seventy-five cut off all hope. I
sighed, ate nothing, studied poetry, did a good deal of melancholy by
moonlight and otherwise, but nothing came of it. I made myself as
agreeable as possible; but it was the old story--I was too much for
'em--I mean the young men of the period. I dressed and gave parties. I
took lessons in singing of Sig. Folderol, and in dancing of Mons.