7 _mo_. 30.--Such a load of exercise prevails over my spirit, that it
requires some extra exertion to support it with my usual cheerfulness of
countenance. If I go into company, I find no satisfaction; for I cannot
appear pleasant in the society of my friends, feeling it irksome to
discourse even on matters of common conversation. From the feelings which
have attended my mind, it is evident that the cloud is at present resting
on the tabernacle, and I never saw more need for me to abide in my tent.
And O that patience may have its perfect work! for there is much to be
done in the vineyard of my own heart, before I can come to that state of
usefulness which I believe the Great [Husbandman] designs for me. The
secret language of my heart is, May his hand not spare nor his eye pity
until he has subdued all in me which obstructs the progress of his divine
work!

31_st_.--I trust I was once more favored, in meeting this morning, to
put up my secret petition in humble sincerity to the Shepherd of Israel,
that he would be graciously pleased to help my infirmities. In the
afternoon meeting I thought the petition was measurably answered; for
towards the conclusion the rays of divine light so overshadowed my mind as
to induce a belief that I should be assisted to overcome that spirit of
opposition which has too long existed to the detriment of my best
interests, if there was only a willingness to abide under the forming
hand.

8 _mo_. 1.--I now feel freedom to give a short account how it was
with me under this concern from its commencement down to the present time.

I remember well, about the year 1804, when in my father's house at
Blacker, once being in my chamber, in a very serious, thoughtful frame of
mind, receiving an impression that if ever I came to receive the truth