1821.--The first entry in the diary of this year turns upon the
ever-present subject of his going abroad, and is penned under feelings of
the deepest solemnity. It is followed the next day by another on the great
duty of self-examination.


1 _mo_. 2. This day I have felt singularly impressed with a desire to
be more devoted to my Maker. I believe it is his will that I should be
more given up to serve him; and if spared with life and strength, my few
remaining days must be spent in his cause. A presentiment of this kind has
for some time past prevailed with me; and from the calm, awful, and
weighty manner in which it is at times brought over my spirit, I am
induced to think it cannot be the mere phantom of the imagination. The
prospect of a temporary residence on the ---- seems rather to increase
than otherwise. How it may terminate, or the time when to move, is yet
uncertain to me. O, how the prospect humbles me! I trust I can, in some
degree say, with the good old patriarch, that his God shall be my God, and
if He will only give me bread to eat and raiment to put on, I desire to
serve him.

1 _mo_. 3.--This day I am thirty-five years old. Whether I may be
spared as many more, or whether I may only survive as many months, weeks,
days or hours, as I have now lived years, is altogether in the breast of
Him who has hitherto preserved me as a monument of his mercy. How awful
the consideration! To think that we may be called to give an account at
any hour of the day, and not frequently to examine the state of affairs
between us and our God, is complete infatuation. Strange as it may seem,
as it regards myself I stand condemned. I am sensible sufficient attention