To those who frankly realize with open eyes that the student of life
must occasionally encounter indelicacies upon the pleasant path of
research, it may be revealed, in confidence, that they alluded to
Miss Smellie as "Sniffy" when not, under extreme provocation, as
"Stinker".

She taught them many things and, prominently, Deceit, Hate, and an
utter dislike of her God and her Religion--a most disastrous pair.

Poor old "Grumper"; advertising, he got her, paid her highly, and gave
her almost absolute control of the minds, souls, and bodies of his
young wards and "grandchildren".

"The best of everything" for them--and they, at the average age of
eight, a band of depressed, resentful babes, had "hanged, drawed, and
quartered" her in effigy, within a month of coming beneath her stony
ministrations.

In appearance Miss Smellie was tall, thin, and flat. Most exceedingly
and incredibly flat. Impossibly flat. Her figure, teeth, voice, hair,
manner, hats, clothes, and whole life and conduct were flat as
Euclid's plane-surface or yesterday's champagne.

To counter-balance the possession, perhaps, of so many virtues, gifts,
testimonials, and certificates she had no chin, no eyebrows, and no
eyelashes. Her eyes were weak and watery; her spectacles strong and
thick; her nose indeterminate, wavering, erratic; her ears large, her
teeth irregular and protrusive, her mouth unfortunate and not
guaranteed to close.