that I had almost unconsciously imbibed some of the impressions which
the word of God is calculated to produce, and that even then I was in
some measure under its secret influence. One thing I am sure of, that
from that time some idea of religion, although then comparatively
vague and confused, never left me; I frequently caught myself musing
on the origin of the universe, on the vicissitudes of nature, and on
the future condition of those numerous beings, who are seen for a
short time on the earth and then disappear. My own destiny, also,
frequently engaged my thoughts. But I was far from referring it to
Him, on whom I now see that it entirely depends. In all these thoughts
God was excluded from the place he ought to have held. With nothing
but false and uncertain notions of him, I was far indeed from
regarding him as the vivifying principle, which, to the eye of the
Christian, animates and embellishes every thing, and as that pure
light "which lighteth every man that cometh into the world."

I am bound to tell you, my children, what was the real state of my
soul at that time. I was in so deplorable a condition of blindness and
ignorance, that sometimes I thought there was no God, but that he was
an imaginary being; and sometimes confounding him with the works of
his almighty hands, I attributed divinity to the material world. "The
fool hath said in his heart, there is no God," and I dare not deny
that these words of David were for a long time, and even perhaps at
the period of which I am speaking, applicable to me. But while I
acknowledge that the natural corruption of my heart, and the bad books
I had read, were in part the causes of the sad state I have described,
I cannot help also attributing the greatest part of them to the
_abuses_, the _superstition_, and the _errors_ which disfigure
Christianity in the Romish church, and which had so disgusted me that
they had driven me into total infidelity.