they are very unsatisfactory.

If the bird is an orphan, examine the books in the Surrogate's office
until you find her father's will; if her papa is still alive and
kicking, persuade her to take his bank-book into the back kitchen and
there count the shekels. Never let your heart get into the mess, for
that complicates matters.

If you have a hankering for widows, never run after one who has been in
the business more than once. They become so knowing after two or three
trials. Besides, there is a fatality about some women--they're bound to
be widows. Furthermore, widows have a way of appearing to be loaded down
with ducats, when, in reality, they are pawning the late defunct's
unmentionables for the means of existence.

Always select young game, if possible, as it is more likely to be tender
than that which has been condemned to the wall at numberless parties.
Game with freckles, or pimples, or cross eyes, can never be first-class.

CHAPTER II.

AMMUNITION.

Too much care cannot be exercised in the selection of this article. You
must take care that it is adapted to the game. If the bird be an
unbleached _blonde_, try first-class prayer-meetings, mild decoctions of
Sunday-school exhibitions, parlor concerts, and readings. If it wear
spectacles, some light, airy, and poetical reading matter, like BUTLER'S
_Analogy_, or the _Tribune_, is useful. If the bird be a _brunette_, try
theatres, balls, operas, etc.; suppers at DEL.'S have been known to do