I have climbed the Pole and leapt across the Line;
I've seen seals in Abyssinia and volcanoes in Virginia,
And I've dived into the shark-infested Rhine.

From the pemmican's fierce claws and the tiffin's gaping jaws
I have never shrunk in abject terror yet;
In the jungle I have tracked them and attacked them and then hacked them
Into mincemeat with my trusty calumet.

I have interviewed the MULLAH, KRUGER, MENELIK, ABDULLAH,
LOBENGULA, SITTING BULL and Clan-na-Gael;
When I think of where I've been, what I've done and what I've seen,
I'm surprised that I'm alive to tell the tale.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Standing Lady_. "MY HUSBAND WAS MADE A COLONEL JUST
BEFORE THE ARMISTICE."

_Seated ditto_. "MY HUSBAND WOULD HAVE BEEN A GENERAL IF IT HADN'T
BEEN FOR THE WAR."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_BY MR. PUNCH'S STAFF OF LEARNED CLERKS_).

Battle-books have already come to wear (even in so short a time) a
strangely archaic aspect. But _Through the Hindenburg Line_ (HODDER