II


On the thirtieth day of June, 1897, I graduated at Yale. Had I then
realized that I was a sick man, I could and would have taken a rest.
But, in a way, I had become accustomed to the ups and downs of a
nervous existence, and, as I could not really afford a rest, six days
after my graduation I entered upon the duties of a clerk in the office
of the Collector of Taxes in the city of New Haven. I was fortunate in
securing such a position at that time, for the hours were comparatively
short and the work as congenial as any could have been under the
circumstances. I entered the Tax Office with the intention of staying
only until such time as I might secure a position in New York. About a
year later I secured the desired position. After remaining in it for
eight months I left it, in order to take a position which seemed to
offer a field of endeavor more to my taste. From May, 1899, till the
middle of June, 1900, I was a clerk in one of the smaller
life-insurance companies, whose home office was within a stone's throw
of what some men consider the center of the universe. To be in the very
heart of the financial district of New York appealed strongly to my
imagination. As a result of the contagious ideals of Wall Street, the
making of money was then a passion with me. I wished to taste the
bitter-sweet of power based on wealth.

For the first eighteen months of my life in New York my health seemed
no worse than it had been during the preceding three years. But the old
dread still possessed me. I continued to have my more and less nervous
days, weeks, and months. In March, 1900, however, there came a change
for the worse. At that time I had a severe attack of grippe which
incapacitated me for two weeks. As was to be expected in my case, this