illness seriously depleted my vitality, and left me in a frightfully
depressed condition--a depression which continued to grow upon me until
the final crash came, on June 23rd, 1900. The events of that day,
seemingly disastrous as then viewed, but evidently all for the best as
the issue proved, forced me along paths traveled by thousands, but
comprehended by few.

I had continued to perform my clerical duties until June 15th. On that
day I was compelled to stop, and that at once. I had reached a point
where my will had to capitulate to Unreason--that unscrupulous usurper.
My previous five years as a neurasthenic had led me to believe that I
had experienced all the disagreeable sensations an overworked and
unstrung nervous system could suffer. But on this day several new and
terrifying sensations seized me and rendered me all but helpless. My
condition, however, was not apparent even to those who worked with me
at the same desk. I remember trying to speak and at times finding
myself unable to give utterance to my thoughts. Though I was able to
answer questions, that fact hardly diminished my feeling of
apprehension, for a single failure in an attempt to speak will stagger
any man, no matter what his state of health. I tried to copy certain
records in the day's work, but my hand was too unsteady, and I found it
difficult to read the words and figures presented to my tired vision in
blurred confusion.

That afternoon, conscious that some terrible calamity was impending,
but not knowing what would be its nature, I performed a very curious
act. Certain early literary efforts which had failed of publication in
the college paper, but which I had jealously cherished for several
years, I utterly destroyed. Then, after a hurried arrangement of my
affairs, I took an early afternoon train, and was soon in New Haven.