may remain open, but must stage plays appropriate to the
occasion."

It is rumoured that the first play chosen was _Measure for Measure_.

* * * * *

"The War Office says there is no authority whatever for the
statement that General Townshend would shortly be appointed
Commander-in-Chief in the Tower Hamlets, F.C."--_Star_.

Mr. Punch begs leave to say that this item of football news did not
appear in his columns.

* * * * *

PROCRASTINATION.

A few mornings ago I found among my letters a tragic document--a
bill. A first quick glance at it filled me with despair, because I was
luxuriating in that Fools' Paradise produced by the illusion that one
is all paid up. Of course one never is; there is always something that
one forgets, and this must have been it; so that, instead of perfect
freedom from liability, here I was apparently still owing no less a
sum than £5 9_s_.

The figures looked familiar enough, although disconcerting, but I
rubbed my eyes when I found that they were made up of two items that
had never come my way; the first being one-and-a-half dozen essences,
£3 15_s_., and the second, a dozen _poudre assortie,_ £1 14_s_. It