You are _not_ the whole world, though you did win a tanner;
And _Punch_ thinks it well, when your head has done turning,
You should turn a new leaf, and just soften your manner.

* * * * *

RAILWAY TIME-TABLE. APPLICABLE ALL THE YEAR ROUND.

6 Cabs--full of Passengers = 1 Dawdling Porter.
12 Dawdling Porters = 1 Train's Start.
2 Trains' Starts = 1 Danger Signal.
2 Danger Signals = 1 Stoppage on the Line.
3 Stoppages on the Line = 1 Late Arrival.
24 Late Arrivals = 1 Day's Unpunctuality.
365 Days' Unpunctuality = 1 Patient Public's Useless Grumble.

* * * * *

A Murderous Game.--(_Example of "Beneficent Murder."_)--Taking a Life
at Pool.

* * * * *

[Illustration: INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS.

"HOW GOOD OF YOU TO COME, DOCTOR. I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU THIS MORNING."

"NO, BUT I WAS CALLED TO YOUR OPPOSITE NEIGHBOUR, POOR MRS. BROWN, AND
THOUGHT I MIGHT AS WELL KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE."]