"Your Honor, I submit that my client did not break into the house at
all. He found the parlor window open and merely inserted his right
arm and removed a few trifling articles. Now, my client's arm is not
himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual
for an offense committed by only one of his limbs."

"That argument," said the judge, "is very well put. Following it
logically, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled, and with his lawyer's assistance unscrewed his
cork arm, and, leaving it in the dock, walked out.



_The Old Man Knew Best_

"I took three bottles of your medicine, and I feel like a new woman,"
read the testimonial. "John," she said in a shrill, piping voice, "I
think this is exactly what I need. I have been feeling bad for quite
a spell back, and the lady was symptomated just exactly as I feel. I
believe I will try three bottles and see if it will make a new woman
out of me."

"Not much, Maria," said John, with tremendous earnestness. "Not if I
know it. I don't mind spending three dollars on you if you feel bad,
but I ain't a-goin' to have you made into any of these here new
women, gaddin' about the city to women's clubs and savin' the country
that don't need savin'. You jest mix up some sulphur and molasses