More oppressive silence and another and fainter "Very well, sir."

This time he was gone still longer. When he returned his collar was
unbuttoned, his hair disheveled and his face scratched and bleeding.
Leaning over the waiting patron he whispered beseechingly:

"Would you mind tyking boiled heggs, sir? I've 'ad some words with
the cook."



_It Was His Only Tie_

One morning, as Mark Twain returned from a neighborhood morning call,
sans necktie, his wife met him at the door with the exclamation;
"There, Sam, you have been over to the Stowes's again without a
necktie! It's really disgraceful the way you neglect your dress!"

Her husband said nothing, but went up to his room.

A few minutes later his neighbor--Mrs. S.--was summoned to the door by
a messenger, who presented her with a small box neatly done up. She
opened it and found a black silk necktie, accompanied by the following
note:

"Here is a necktie. Take it out and look at it. I think I stayed
half an hour this morning. At the end of that time will you kindly
return it, as it is the only one I have?--MARK TWAIN."