"Why, Grandma?" asked the son.

"Well, gals is hity-tity, and widders is kinder overrulin' and
upsettin'. But old maids is thankful and willin' to please."



_So Easy When it is Explained_

A woman riding in a Philadelphia trolley-car said to the conductor:

"Can you tell me, please, on what trolley-cars I can use these
exchange slips? They mix me up somewhat."

"They really shouldn't, madam," said the polite conductor. "It is
very simple: East of the junction by a westbound car an exchange from
an eastbound car is good only if the westbound car is west of the
junction formed by said eastbound car. South of the junction formed
by a northbound car an exchange from a southbound car is good south
of the junction if the northbound car was north of the junction at
the time of issue, but only south of the junction going south if the
southbound car was going north at the time it was south of the
junction. That is all there is to it."



_Sixty Girls Not One Too Many_

A New York firm recently hung the following sign at the entrance of a
large building: "Wanted: Sixty girls to sew buttons on the sixth