it is cuthbert with the pork pie the captain has been longing for
said a voice and on every side rang shouts of the pie the pie the
captains pie has come at last and a salute of nineteen guns was
fired the pie was carried at once to the captains mess room where
the captain a grizzled veteran sat with knife and fork in hand and
serviette tucked under his chin i knew cried the captain that if
there was a pork pie in america my faithful cuthbert find it for me
the butler bowed and all the ships officers pulled up their chairs
to the table with a rasping sound you may serve it honest cuthbert
said the captain impatiently and the butler broke a hole in the top
crust he touched a hidden mechanism for immediately something right
under me began to go tick tock tick tock tick tock what is that
noise captain said the larboard mate only the patent log clicking
off the knots said the butler it needs oiling again but cuthbert
said the captain why are you so nervous and what means that flush
upon your face that flush your honor is chicken pox said cuthbert i
am subject to sudden attacks of it unhand that pie cried the ships
surgeon leaping to his feet arrest that butler he is a teuton spy
that is not chicken pox at all it is german measles ha ha cried the
false butler the ship is doomed there is a clock work bomb in this
pie my name is not cuthbert it is friedrich and he leaped through a
port into the sea his blonde side whiskers which were false falling
off as he did so ha ha rang his mocking laughter from the ocean as
he pulled shoreward with long strokes your ship is doomed my god
said the senior boatswain what shall we do stop the clock ordered
the captain but i had already done so i braced my head against the
hour hand and my feet against the minute hand and stopped the
mechanism the captain drew his sword and pried off all the top crust
gentlemen he said yonder cockroach has saved the ship let us throw