The Practice of the Presence of God the Best Rule of a Holy Life by Herman Nicholas
page 20 of 42 (47%)
page 20 of 42 (47%)
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my sufferings. During this time I fell often, and rose again
presently. It seemed to me that all creatures, reason, and GOD Himself were against me; and _faith_ alone for me. I was troubled sometimes with thoughts that to believe I had received such favors was an effect of my presumption, which pretended to be _at once_ where others arrive with difficulty; at other times that it was a wilful delusion, and that there was no salvation for me. When I thought of nothing but to end my days in these troubles (which did not at all diminish the trust I had in GOD, and which served only to increase my faith), I found myself changed all at once; and my soul, which, till that time, was in trouble, felt a profound inward peace, as if she were in her centre and place of rest. Ever since that time I walk before GOD simply, in faith, with humility and with love; and I apply myself diligently to do nothing and think nothing which may displease Him. I hope that when I have done what I can, He will do with me what He pleases. As for what passes in me at present, I cannot express it. I have no pain or difficulty about my state, because I have no will but that of GOD, which I endeavor to accomplish in all things, and to which I am so resigned that I would not take up a straw from the ground against His order, or from any other motive than purely that of love to Him. I have quitted all forms of devotion and set prayers but those to which my state obliges me. And I make it my business only to persevere in His holy presence, wherein I keep myself by a simple attention, and a general fond regard to GOD, which I may call an _actual presence of_ GOD; or, to speak better, an habitual, silent and secret conversation |
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