happily. Live and be useful to society. But he spends his time with
wicked men and women. He can do it as long as he has anything, and
he used to be immensely rich.

Dr. V---- has said that Mademoiselle C----[A] is ill, that she may
live five years or die in three weeks, because she is consumptive.
How many misfortunes at once!

[Footnote A: Marie Bashkirtseff's governess.]

If, when I am grown up, I should marry B---- what a life it would
be! To stay all alone, that is, surrounded by commonplace men, who
will want to flirt with me, and be carried away by the whirl of
pleasure. I dream of and wish for all these things, but with a
husband I love and who loves me--.

Ah, who would suppose it was little Marie, a girl scarcely twelve
years old; who feels all this! But what am I saying? What a dismal
thought! I don't even know him, and am already marrying him--how
silly I am!

I am really much vexed about all this. I am calmer now. My
handwriting shows it. The spontaneous burst of indignation is a
little quieted. It is soothing to write or communicate one's ideas
to somebody.

B---- isn't worth while. I shall never marry him. If he begs me on
his knees, I shall be--oh, I forgot the word--I shall be firm. No,
that isn't the word, but I know what I mean. Yet if he loves me very
much, very deeply, if he cannot live without me--vain phrases! Do