not let us meet. I don't wish to be weak.

I am firm, I will be resolute. I mean to have the Duc de H----. I
love him at least. His dissipated life may be forgiven him. But the
other--no!

While writing I was interrupted by a noise. I thought some one was
going to surprise me. Even if what I have written were not seen, I
should blush all the same. Everything I wrote previously now seems
nonsense. Yet it is really exactly what I felt. I am calm now. Later
I will read it over again. That will bring back the past.

I love the Duc de H---- and I cannot tell him so. Even if I did, he
would pay no attention to it. O, God! I pray Thee! When he was here,
I had an object in going out, in dressing. But now! I went to the
terrace hoping to see him in the distance for at least a second.

O God, relieve my suffering! I can pray to Thee no more. Hear my
petition. Thy mercy is so infinite. Thy grace is so great, Thou hast
done so many things for me! Thou hast bestowed so many blessings
upon me. Thou alone canst inspire him with love for me!

Oh, dear! I imagine him dead, and that nothing can draw him nearer
to me. What a terrible thought! I have tears in my eyes, and still
more in my heart. I am weeping. If I did not love him I might
console myself. He would suit me for a husband in every respect. I
love him, and that is what makes me suffer. Take away this anguish,
and I shall be a thousand times more miserable. My grief makes my
happiness. I live solely for that. All my thoughts, everything is
centred there. The Duc de H---- is my all. I love him so much! It is