Grand Duke of L---- asked who we were (who is that pretty Russian?).
B---- says Mamma ought to go to call on the Marquise de M----. He
says it is the custom here, especially from a foreigner to a Roman
lady. Let Mamma go anywhere, provided that I can go where I like. My
torture has no bounds, I am dying of it every instant. Do you want a
proof of my despair? There are times when I hope to marry A---- and
be something at Nice with P----; that gives the measure of my
discouragement, my desperation.

I have had this humiliating thought once or twice. I tell you to
show you how low I descend, how vexed, how martyrised I am to live
in this way. Who will restore my lost time, my best time? I have
used every expression, and am dying because I cannot make myself
understood.

I have written to C---- and to B----. I was in a hurry to tell them
the good news. I have the very weak middle notes which accompany the
abnormal compass of my voice. I have found a method of singing that
strengthens them wonderfully, so that they are almost as strong as
the rest. This delights me, and I am eager to write about it to
B----, who is so much interested in my voice. But for that, it would
have required two years study to render them satisfactory. I thank
God, and will pray to Him for the other things.


Thursday, January 20th, 1876.

After three years study, if no accident happens, I shall have a
voice such as is rarely heard, and I shall not yet be twenty.