"Wud ye iver have thought 'twas possible that anny wan in this counthry
cud even talk iv war with thim delightful, cunning little Oryentals?
Why, 'tis less thin two years since Hogan was comin' home fr'm th'
bankit iv th' Union iv Usurers with his arms around th' top iv a Jap's
head while th' Jap clutched Hogan affectionately about th' waist an'
they sung 'Gawd Save th' Mickydoo.' D'ye raymimber how we hollered with
joy whin a Rooshyan Admiral put his foot through th' bottom iv a
man-iv-war an' sunk it. An' how we cheered in th' theaytre to see th'
cute little sojers iv th' Mickydoo mowin' down th' brutal Rooshyan
moojiks with masheen guns. An' fin'lly, whin th' Japs had gone a
thousand miles into Rooshyan territory an' were about busted an' ayether
had to stop fightin' or not have car fare home, our worthy Prisident, ye
know who I mean, jumped to th' front an' cried: 'Boys, stop it. It's
gone far enough to satisfy th' both iv ye.' An th' angel iv peace
brooded over th' earth an' crowed lustily.

"Day after day th' pa-apers come out an' declared, in th' column next to
th' half-page ad iv th' Koppenheimer bargain sale, that th' defeat iv
Rooshya was a judgment iv th' Lord on th' Czar. If ye saw a Jap
annywhere, ye asked him to take a dhrink.

"Hogan talked about nawthin' else. They were a wondherful little people.
How they had diviloped! Nawthin' in th' histhry iv th' wurruld was akel
to th' way they'd come up. They cud shoot straighter an' oftener thin
anny other nation. A Jap cud march three hundred miles a day f'r eight
days with nawthin' to eat. They were highly civvylized. It was an old
civvylization but not tainted be age. Millyons iv years befure th'
first white man set fut in Milwaukee th' Japs undhershtud th'
mannyfacther iv patent wringers, sewin'-masheens, reapers, tillyphones,
autymobills, ice-cream freezers, an' all th' other wondhers iv our