Didn't ye know they were? They ar-re. Yes, sir. Th' motto iv our brave
fellows is now 'Away, away, th' bowl,' 'Tis 'Wine f'r th' thremblin'
debauchee, but water, pure water, f'r me,' 'Tis 'Father, dear father,
come home with me now.' An' who did it? Who is it that improves men an'
makes thim more ladylike, an' thin quits thim, but th' ladies? This here
reform was carried out be th' Young Ladies' Christyan Tim'prance Union,
no less. Ye see, 'twas this way. F'r manny years it's been th' theery
that dhrink an' fightin' wint arm-in-arm. If ye dhrank ye fought; if ye
fought ye drank to fight again. As Hogan says, Mars, who was th' gawd iv
war, was no good onless he was pushed into throuble be Backis, the gawd
iv dhrink. About th' time Mars was r-ready to quit an' go home to do th'
Spring plowin', Backis handed him a jigger iv kerosene an' says: 'That
fellow over there is leerin' at ye. Ar-re ye goin' to stand that?' an'
Mars bustled in. Th' barkeeper an' th' banker ar-re behind ivry war.

"Well, in former times th' Governmint kept a saloon f'r th' sojers. Up
at Fort Shurdan they had a ginmill where th' warryors cud go an' besot
thimsilves with bottled beer an' dominoes. It was a sad sight to see
thim grim heroes, survivors iv a thousand marches through th' damp
sthreets on Decoration Day, settin' in these temples iv hell an'
swillin' down th' hated cochineel that has made Milwaukee what it is. To
this palace iv vice th' inthrepid definder iv his Nation's honor
hastened whin he had completed th' arjoos round iv his jooties, after he
had pressed th' Lootinant's clothes, curried th' Captain's horse, mended
th' roof iv th' Major's house, watered th' geeranyums f'r th' Colonel's
wife, an' written his daily letter to th' paper complainin' about th'
food. There he sat an' dhrank an' fought over his old battles with th'
cook an' recalled th' name that he give whin he first enlisted an'
thried to think who it was he married in Fort Leavenworth, ontil th'
bugle summoned him to th' awful carnage called supper.