Jap'nese pupil combin' a set iv gray whiskers an' larnin', 'Mary had a
little lamb,' and if th' Prisidint wants thim to enther th' schools
he'll have to load thim in a cannon an' shoot thim in."

"We'd bate thim in a fight," said Mr. Hennessy. "They cudden't stand up
befure a gr-reat, sthrong nation like ours."

"We think we're gr-reat an' sthrong," said Mr. Dooley. "But maybe we
on'y look fat to thim. Annyhow, we might roll on thim. Wudden't it be
th' grand thing, though, if they licked us an' we signed a threaty iv
peace with thim an' with tears iv humilyation in our eyes handed thim
th' Ph'lippeens!"




THE ARMY CANTEEN


"I seen big Doherty runnin' in a sojer to-day an' 'twas a fine sight.
Th' sojer was fr'm th' County Kerry an' had a thrip an' Doherty is th'
champeen catch-as-catch-can rassler iv Camp Twinty-eight. He had a
little th' worst iv it, f'r he cud on'y get a neck holt, th' warryor
havin' no slack to his pants, but he landed him at last. 'Twas gr-reat
to see thim doin' a cart-wheel down th' sthreet."

"Was th' sojer under th' influence?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"Ye might say he was," said Mr. Dooley. "That is, ye might say so if ye
didn't know that th' dhrinkin' habits iv' th' army have been rayformed.