in person th' thanks iv th' Impror f'r what they'd done f'r him talkin'
ar-round th' bar at th' Union League Club, were foorced be th' warmth iv
their rayciption to take refuge in th' house iv th' Rooshyan counsel.
Th' next month some iv th' subjects iv our life-long frind an' ally were
shot while hookin' seals fr'm our side iv th' Passyfic. Next week a
prom'nent Jap'nese statesman was discovered payin' a socyal visit to th'
Ph'lippeens. He had with him at th' time two cameras, a couple iv line
men, surveyin' tools, a thousand feet iv tape line, an' a bag iv
dinnymite bombs. Last month th' Jap'nese Governmint wrote to th'
Prisidint: 'Most gracious an' bewilderin' Majesty, Impror iv th' Sun,
austere an' patient Father iv th' Stars, it has come to our benign
attintion that in wan iv ye'er populous domains our little prattlin'
childher who ar-re over forty years iv age ar-re not admitted to th'
first reader classes in th' public schools. Oh, brother beloved, we
adore ye. Had ye not butted in with ye'er hivenly binivolence we wud've
shook Rooshya down f'r much iv her hateful money. Now we must prove our
affection with acts. It is our intintion to sind a fleet to visit ye'er
shores, partickly San Francisco, where we undherstand th' school system
is well worth studyin'.'

"An' there ye ar-re, Hinnissy. Th' frindship ceminted two years ago with
blood an' beers is busted. I don't know whether annything will happen.
Hogan thinks so, but I ain't sure. Th' Prisidint has announced that
rather thin see wan octoginaryan Jap prevented fr'm larnin' his
a-bee-abs he will divastate San Francisco with fire, flood, dinnymite,
an' personalities. But San Francisco has had a pretty good bump lately
an' wud hardly tur-rn over in its sleep f'r an invasion. Out there
they're beginnin' to talk about what nice people th' Chinese ar-re
compared with our old frinds an' allies. They say that th' Jap'nese grow
up too fast f'r their childher, an' that 'tis no pleasant sight to see a