"An' there ye ar-re. It's just as his frind, th' most prom'nent
get-rich-quick-man iv his time, wanst said: 'Readin' makes a man full.'
An' maybe Hogan's right. Annyhow, I'm glad to have him advised about his
books so that he won't hurt himsilf with lithrachoor that don't come
undher th' pure food act. An' I'm glad to welcome our young friend
Charles Eliot into our ancient univarsity. He'll like it f'r awhile. He
is sure to make th' team an' I wudden't mind seein' him captain iv it.
'Tis a gr-reat colledge afther all, an' if it makes me mad part iv th'
time, because I'm always gettin' licked f'r what somebody else has done,
on th' whole I injye it. Th' coorse is hard. Ivry man, woman, an' child
is profissor an' student to ye. Th' examinations are tough. Ye niver
know whin they're goin' to take place or what they'll be about.
Profissor Eliot may pass ye on'y to have Profissor Hinnissy turn ye
down. But there's wan sure thing--ye'll be grajiated. Ye'll get th'
usual diploma. Ye'll grajiate not because iv annything ye've done, but
because ye'er room is needed. 'I like th' old place,' says ye. 'An' I'm
just beginnin' to larn,' says ye. 'Pass on, blockhead,' says th'
faculty. 'Pass on, Hinnissy--ye'll niver larn annything.' An' there ye
are. What'll ye take?"

"I wudden't mind havin' a little"--began Mr. Hennessy.

"I don't mean what you mean," said Mr. Dooley. "Will ye have th' avenin'
paper or a little iv th' old stuff off th' shelf?"




THE TARIFF