karosene lamps, ye've got to settle, that's all. Ye've flaunted ye'er
wealth too long in th' face iv a sturdy people.

"Ye'd think th' way such as ye talk that ivrything is taxed. It ain't
so. 'Tis an insult to th' pathritism iv Congress to say so. Th'
Republican party, with a good deal iv assistance fr'm th' pathriotic
Dimmycrats, has been thrue to its promises. Look at th' free list, if ye
don't believe it. Practically ivrything nicissry to existence comes in
free. What, f'r example, says ye? I'll look. Here it is. Curling stones.
There, I told ye. Curling stones are free. Ye'll be able to buy all
ye'll need this summer f'r practically nawthin'. No more will ladies
comin' into this counthry have to conceal curling stones in their
stockin's to avoid th' iniquitous customs.

"What else? Well, teeth. Here it is in th' bill: 'Teeth free iv jooty.'
Undher th' Dingley bill they were heavily taxed. Onless ye cud prove that
they had cost ye less thin a hundhred dollars, or that ye had worn thim
f'r two years in Europe, or that ye were bringin' thim in f'r scientific
purposes or to give a museem, there was an enormous jooty on teeth. Th'
Governmint used to sind profissyonal humorists down to th' docks to
catch th' teeth smugglers. But fr'm now on ye can flaunt ye'er teeth in
th' face iv anny inspictor. Ye don't have to declare thim. Ye don't have
to put thim in th' bottom iv ye'er thrunk. Ye don't have to have thim
chalked or labelled befure ye get off th' dock. Ye don't have to hand a
five to th' inspictor an' whisper: 'I've got a few bicuspids that I
picked up while abroad. Be a good fellow an' let me through.' No, sir,
teeth are free.

"What other nicissities, says ye? Well, there's sea moss. That's a good
thing. Ivry poor man will apprecyate havin' sea moss to stir in his tea.