Newspapers, nuts, an' nux vomica ar-re free. Ye can take th' London
_Times_ now. But that ain't all by anny means. They've removed th' jooty
on Pulu. I didn't think they'd go that far, but in spite iv th'
protests iv th' Pulu foundhries iv Sheboygan they ruthlessly sthruck it
fr'm th' list iv jootyable articles. Ye know what Pulu is, iv coorse,
an' I'm sure ye'll be glad to know that this refreshin' bev'rage or soap
is on th' free list. Sinitor Root in behalf iv th' pulu growers iv New
York objicted, but Sinitor Aldhrich was firm. 'No, sir,' he says, 'we
must not tax annything that enters into th' daily life iv th' poor,' he
says. 'While not a dhrinkin' man mesilf, I am no bigot, an' I wud not
deny anny artisan his scuttle iv pulu,' he says. So pulu was put on th'
free list, an' iv coorse Zapper an' Alazarin had to go on, too, as it is
on'y be addin' thim to pulu that ye can make axle-grease.

"There was a gr-reat sthruggle over can-nary bur-rd seed.
Riprisintatives iv th' Chicago packers insisted that in time canary
bur-rds cud be taught to eat pork chops. Manny sinitors thought that th'
next step wud be to take th' duty off cuttle fish bone, an' thus sthrike
a blow at th' very heart iv our protictive system. But Sinitor Tillman,
who is a gr-reat frind iv th' canary bur-rd an' is niver seen without
wan perched on his wrist, which he has taught to swear, put up a gallant
fight f'r his protegees, an' thousands iv canary bur-rds sang with a
lighter heart that night. Canary bur-rd seed will be very cheap this
year, an' anny American wurrukin' man needn't go to bed hungry. There
ought to be some way iv teachin' their wives how to cook it. It wud make
a nourishin' dish whin ye have whetted ye'er face on a piece iv cuttle
fish bone. I'm sure th' raison American wurrukin' men don't hop around
an' sing over their wurruk is because they are improperly fed.

"Yes, sir, canary bur-rd seed is free. What else? Lookin' down th' list