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A Parody Outline of History by Donald Ogden Stewart
page 16 of 104 (15%)
"Perhaps", said the Queen. "But I am oh so glad to be rid of
him." And indeed so great was the happiness of Queen Isabel that
her pillow that night was wet with tears.

But King Ferdinand was an unusually efficient king, and he spared
no pains in his craving for normalcy. So it was that the next
day he called to him the man who had chanced to be Royal
Geographer before the coup d'oeuf of Colombo.

"Now tell me", said the King, "is there any chance that a man who
sails to the westward will ever return?"

"None, your Majesty", said the ex-Royal Geographer. "For many
have tried and horrible are the tales which they tell of demons
and monsters lying in wait for the ships of men. And I should say
definitely, oh King", said he, "that whoever sails to the
westward will never return."

And the tale tells how that afternoon Colombo stood before King
Ferdinand. And very strange to Colombo was the enthusiasm which
burned in the King's otherwise somewhat fishlike eye.

"For know you, Colombo", the King was saying, "that God has
spoken to me and commanded me to save from the fires of hell the
inhabitants of those golden lands of which you sang. And to you,
my dear Colombo, is to be given the chance which you so ardently
desire. For I have this day purchased three ships which await
your command, and within a week you should be well on your way on
this glorious mission for God and for Spain, and", said the King,
"I might add that the Queen, too, is much interested in this
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