MRS. R., hearing her Nephew say that he had been discussing some
"Two-year-old Stakes" with a friend, observed that she was afraid they
must have been dreadfully tough, adding, after consideration, "Perhaps
they were frozen meat."

* * * * *

[Illustration: AN EXCITING TIME.

POOR JONES IS CONVINCED THAT HIS WORST FEARS ARE AT LAST REALISED, AND
HE _IS_ LEFT ALONE WITH A _DANGEROUS LUNATIC_!! (IT WAS ONLY LITTLE
WOBBLES RUNNING ANXIOUSLY OVER THE POINTS OF HIS COMING SPEECH TO THE
ELECTORS OF PLUMPWELL-ON-TYME!!)]

* * * * *

THE CANDIDATE'S COMPLETE LETTER-WRITER.

(_In Answer to a Sweep asking for a F.O. Clerkship._)

MY DEAR MR. ----,

Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to secure for your
interesting son a Clerkship in the Foreign Office. The fact that he
has a distaste for the profession to which you belong would be no
disqualification. I agree with you that chimney-sweeping is better
than diplomacy. However, if he won't help you it can't be helped. I
am exceptionally busy just now, but please repeat the purport of your
letter after the Election. Who knows I may not be in a better position
then than now to assist you,