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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, August 20, 1892 by Various
page 26 of 43 (60%)
Evidently "silly season" over there as well as here. Account of
the Sea Serpent. Let off patent sky-shattering rockets, but the
inhabitants of the adjacent planet failed to observe them. They have
arranged bonfires in geometrical order, so far as we can understand
it, as a signal (if it is one); they seem to wish to observe something
like "_Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay_." Interesting. Popular song of fourteen
years ago just reached our nearest neighbour in the Solar System.
Cannot observe more, as the planet is off for another seven years.

_August_ 10, 1920.--We ought to do something this time. Improved
telescope; can see everything. So excellent that we can almost hear
the Marsians talking, Great advance, too, in through-space-hurling
machinery. We applied this new power to a pea-shooter, and, at the
first shot, was sufficiently fortunate to hit a Marsian policeman on
the nose. He first arrested an innocent person for the assault, but,
on our repeating the signal, he looked up, and shook his fist at the
Earth. Eventually he traced the source of the pea-shooting. They then
began to watch our signals. They were just about to reply when we
started off for another seven years.

_August_ 10, 1927.--I take up my predecessor's book to continue these
observations. Deeply interested to see if the inhabitants of the
neighbouring planet would remember the date, and be on the look out
for us. Yes, there they were. We have just signalled "How are you?"
But it has received, as yet, no reply. The Marsians seem to be
signalling, but not in our direction. We have just tried another
message, "Good morning; do you use soap?" Ah, this has woke them up!
They _do_ understand us. They have replied, "Don't be rude." We are
greatly encouraged by this, and have signalled "The planet Mars, we
believe?" This has elicited no response. Strange! We have begged for a
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