reply, and it has just come. Here it is:--"Don't bother; can't attend
to you just now. We are talking with the planet Jupiter." Time up! Off
for another seven years!

_August_ 10, 1934.--Just one line to add to the other communications
of my predecessors. The Earth and Mars Intercommunication Company,
Limited, has been merged into the London, Jupiter, Venus, Mars, and
North Saturn Aërial Railway Company. During the present near approach
of Mars to the Earth, an excursion electric air-torpedo train will
leave the Victoria Station for Pars the Capital of Mars. The excursion
will be personally conducted by Baron COOK of Ludgate Circus. Return
tickets, Second Class, £1,000; First Class (with hotel coupons), Half
an ounce of coal.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WILL THEY WORK?"

LORD ROSEBERY (_aside to McHARCOURT, the Gillie_). "WONDER WHAT SORT
OF A BAG HE'LL MAKE--_OVER THOSE DOGS!!_"]

* * * * *

HOW IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN SETTLED.

(_SUPPLEMENTARY AND IMAGINARY DESPATCH NOT YET RECEIVED AT THE FOREIGN
OFFICE._)

It will be remembered that I had the honour to report that amongst
my _suite_ I had the pleasure to be accompanied by Herr VON POPOFF,