the beast: bully beef or ration allowance at three francs a day in lieu of
rations. The cow, he was told, was entitled and likely to refuse both.

We all crowded round the C.C. to help. "As to a simple matter like food,"
said A. and Q., "the Lord will provide. But as to the more difficult and
complicated matters of establishment we will issue your orders." These ran:
"Reference COW: (1) This unit should be shown on your Weekly Strength
Return, with a statement of all casualties affecting same. Casualties
include admission to or evacuation from hospital; change of address;
marriage, and leave to the United Kingdom. (2) To be brought on the proper
establishment of H.Q., it should be shown as 'Officer's Charger, one,' and
should be trained and employed by you as such. (3) Please report action
taken, and whether by you or by the Cow."

Even as the C.C. was contemplating this communication and hearkening to the
cow grumbling away in his front-garden, his old regiment took occasion to
march through the village and, in so doing, added insult to injury. The
regiment had a mascot; the mascot was a goat; the goat fell out on the
march and went sick. It did this in that portion of the C.C.'s front garden
which was not already occupied by the cow, and its orders from the Colonel,
who was its C.O. and had once been the Camp Commandant's C.O., were to
remain with the C.C. and upon his charge till called for. This is all a
very true story, but it's poor rations I'll be getting from the C.C. during
what remains of this War for divulging it.

Be anything in the military world you like, Charles, from a courtly General
to a thrusting Loot in charge of some overwhelmingly important department
or other, but do not be a Camp Commandant. As there is no terrible
complication which may not occur in the life of such, so there is no bitter
irony which may not follow all. The early afternoon of April 6th found the