AUTOMOBILES AND AUTOMOBILING


"Has this car got a speedometer?" asked an old gentleman to the
auctioneer, at one of the Disposal Board sales. The auctioneer
was equal to the occasion and replied: "At thirty miles an hour it
exhibits a white flag, at forty miles a red flag, and at fifty miles
a gramophone begins to play, 'I'm going to be an angel, and with the
angels dwell'"


"Remember, son, Garfield drove mules on a tow-path and Lincoln split
rails."

"I know, dad; but say, did any of these Presidents ever crank a cold
motor in a blizzard for half an hour before he discovered that he
didn't have any gasoline?"


The time to buy a used car is just before you move, so people in the
new neighborhood will think you were the one who used it.

"I understand that you have a new motor-car."

"Yes."

"Do you drive it yourself?"