furniture.

Take my advice, Tolstoi, and don't be a royalty.

I say this as one friend to another and not because I have to wear
copper-fastened pajamas.

I don't mind the copper-fastened pajamas so much, but to wear asphalt
neckties and barb-wire suspenders is something which aggravates the
spirit.

At 8 A.M. this morning M. Cornmealski, the Minister of the Department of
Armored Breakfasts, reported that he had discovered something suspicious
in the dish of peeled prunes.

We examined the prunes carefully and found them stuffed with free
tickets to ride on the Brooklyn Elevated Railroad. We burned the tickets
hastily and saved our lives again.

M. Cornmealski reports that up to date 219 different breakfast foods
have been received at the palace kitchen. He says they range all the way
from consolidated shavings to perforated sawdust, with here and there
some compressed knot-holes.

In a mad moment yesterday I took the Yale lock off my appetite and
ordered up one of those breakfast food samples, but just as I had the
spoonful at my lips I remembered the prayer of my youth: "Woodman, spare
that tree!" and once more my life was saved.

Ten minutes ago M. Blackandblueski, the Minister of the Department of