My children, it was a dreadful thing to hear that. He had never spoken
so since his coming four years before, except once when he was in the
purgative way, and the fiend came to him under aspect of a woman. But he
had been in agony then, and he was quiet now. Before I could speak he
spoke again.

"I said that I could not go; that God Almighty had brought me here and
caused me to build my house and given me the meadow and the water and
the beasts as my friends--that I was neither monk nor friar nor priest
to be sent hither and thither--that I could not go. I cried on Him to
help me and shew me His will; and then I went to dinner.

"Since that time, Sir John, the warmth has left me. I see the flowers,
but there is nothing behind them; and the sunlight, but there is no
heavenly colour in it. My mind is disquiet; I cannot rest nor
contemplate as I should. I have been up the stairs that I have told you
of a thousand times; I have set myself apart from the world, which is
the first step, until all things visible have gone; then I have set
myself apart from my body and my understanding so that I was conscious
of neither hands nor heart nor head, nor of aught but my naked soul;
then I have left that, which is the third step; but the gate is always
shut, and our Lord will not speak or answer. Tell me what I must do, Sir
John. Is it true that this is from our Lord, and that I must go to see
the King?"

* * * * *

I was sick at heart when I heard that, and I strove to silence what my
soul told me must be my answer.