dream of a flirtation,--pah! the word sickens me, it is not fit. And
there am I in my folly leaving them together, whilst I give way to
ugly doubts, and tear myself by an ugly passion.

I had better go down again. This doubt of them is hateful in me.


_June 10th._--I must be very jealous indeed. This is very strange. I
dreamed last night that we were in a room full of people, we three.
I was seeking him, and he came towards me suddenly with Constance on
his arm. Lifting her on high, I threw her far from us, so that with
a cry she sank into great depths; and Gabriel--seeking to stay
me--caught me by the waist. I heard the whirl and the hum of those
about us, but in the weakness of my love I fell with my head upon
his breast, and thus we floated into endless space.

I am a sensible person as a rule, yet the flavour of this dream has
been with me all day long, and I could hardly look at Constance for
the wrong I had done her in my thoughts. I must be very jealous.


_June 18th._--I put it from me for a while. I have been very calm; I
have watched them narrowly. I am very calm now. Gabriel came to
spend the evening; Uncle George had been provided for Mrs. Rayner's
edification, and we all sat together in the drawing-room. Grandmamma
and Aunt Caroline had Constance between them under the lamp. I could
watch her very well. Gabriel sat next me. We could not talk, so I
thought we might as well play backgammon, and we set the board so
that he could not see Constance.