had arrived and was a-hollerin' for J.P. Wamsley.

"Well, sir, it was right then and there I invented my automatic pastor,
continuous revolving hand-shaker and circular jolly-hander.

"I brung it before the official brethren one night and explained its
modus operandi. I had a wax figger made by the same firm that supplies
me with the manikins for my show-windows. And it was a peach, if I do
say it myself. Tall, handsome figger, benevolent face, elegant smile
that won't come off, as the feller says, Chauncey Depew spinnage in
front of each ear. It was a sure lu-lu.

"'Now,' I says to 'em, 'gentlemen, speakin' o' pastors, I got one here I
want to recommend. It has one advantage anyhow; it won't cost you a
cent. I'll make you a present of it, and also chip in, as heretofore,
toward operatin' expenses.' That caught old Jake Hicks--worth a hundred
thousand dollars, and stingier 'n all git-out. He leaned over and
listened, same as if he was takin' 'em right off the bat. He's a retired
farmer. If you'll find me a closer boy than a retired farmer moved to
town, you can have the best plug hat in my store.

"'You observe,' I says, 'that he has the leadin' qualifications of all
and comes a heap cheaper than most. He is swivel mounted; that is, the
torso, so to speak, is pinioned onto the legs, so that the upper part of
the body can revolve. This enables him to rotate freely without bustin'
his pants, the vest bein' unconnected with the trousers.

"'Now, you stand this here, whom we will call John Henry, at the door of
the church as the congregation enters, havin' previously wound him up,
and there he stays, turning around and givin' the glad hand and cheery