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The Wit and Humor of America, Volume III. (of X.) by Various
page 194 of 202 (96%)

I jest stuck it in by way of illustratin' the good effeks of keepin' up
one's spirits. My motto has always been to never say die, as Gen. Nelson
sed at the battle of Madagascar, or sum other big river. All things
considered, I've had a power of good luck in my life. I don't mean money
luck, by no means, for most of my life I've been so ded poor that
Lazarus would hev been considered a note shaver compared with me. But
I've been in a heap of close places, and sumhow always cum out rite side
up with keer. Speakin' of luck, I don't know that I ever told you about
that rassel I had with Ike McKoy at Bob Hide's barbyku. You see Ike was
perhaps the best rasler in all Cherokee, and he jest hankered after a
chance to break a bone or two in my body. Now, you know, I never hunted
for a fite nor a fuss in my life, but I never dodged one. I dident want
a tilt with Ike, for my opinyun was that he was the best man of the two,
but I never sed anything and jest trusted to luck. We was both at the
barbyku, and he put on a heap of airs, and strutted around with his
shirt collar open clean down to his waist, and his hat cocked on one
side as sassy as a confedrit quartermaster. He took a dram or two and
stuffed himself full of fresh meat at dinner time. Purty soon it was
norated around that Ike was going to banter me for a rassel, and, shore
enuff, he did. The boys were all up for some fun, and Ike hollered out,
"I'll bet ten dollars I can paster the length of any man on the ground,
and I'll giv Bill Arp five dollars to take up the bet." Of course there
was no gittin' around the like of that. The banter got my blood up, and
so, without waitin' for preliminaries, I shucked myself and went in. The
boys was all powerfully excited, and was a bettin' evry dollar they
could raise; and Bob Moore, the feller I had licked about a year before,
jumped on a stump and sed hed bet twenty dollars to ten that Ike would
knock the breath out of me the first fall. I jest walked over to him
with the money and sed, "I'll take that bet." The river was right close
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