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Old Friends, Epistolary Parody by Andrew Lang
page 24 of 119 (20%)
temper. So let bygones be bygones between us. For, wanting of my
Betsy, I am now in a nice state of confusion, with a patient as was
well beknown to me in younger days, when there wasn't so much of a
shadder on this mortial vial, {2} meaning Mr. Pecksniff. Which you
will not forget of him, by reason of his daughter as married that
Jonadge, and his collars as mints of money must have gone to the
getting them up; but is now at Todgers's, and confused in his poor
mind, thinking hisself Somebody else high in Parliament. And
wonder at it I do not, them Chuzzlewidges and Chuffeys being that
distracting, and ever proving to be some other pusson in disguise,
as would confuge a calkilating boy.

So being applied to for to nightly him, there in that very sick
room--for why should I deceive you?--I meets the daily nuss; and,
Betsy, I was that overcome to have such a pardner propoged to me as
I had to ring and ask the young woman immediate for a small glass
of their oldest rum, being what I am not accustomed to but having
had a turn. For, will you believe it, she was not a widger woman
as has experience in the ways of men, but a huzzy in a bragian cap
like them the Nuns wear in "Mariar Monk," as you may have seen it
in the small sweet-shops, at a penny. And her hands as white as
her papistry cap, and she a turning up of her nose at what I had
took, and a presuming to give ME advice about nussing, as St.
Pancradge's Churchyard wouldn't hold them I've seen comfortable to
their long homes, and no complaints made but ever the highest
satigefaction. So I ups and gives her a bit of my mind; and Mrs.
Todgers coming down, "It's she goes or me," says I, "for never will
Sairey Gamp nuss, sick or monthly, with a pardner as has not
confidence in me, nor I in her, but contrary." Then SHE says
she'll go and speak to the doctor about it; and out she tramps with
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