After Newman's conversion, he almost convinced himself that his
'visions of an ecclesiastical future' were justified by the role
that he would play as a 'healer of the breach in the Church of
England'. Mr. Gladstone agreed with him; but there was One higher
than Mr. Gladstone, and did He agree? 'I am pierced by anxious
thoughts. God knows what my desires have been and are, and why
they are crossed. ... I am flattering myself with a fancy about
depth and reality. ... The great question is: Is God enough for
you now? And if you are as now even to the end of life, will it
suffice you? ... Certainly I would rather choose to be stayed on
God, than to be in the thrones of the world and the Church.
Nothing else will go into Eternity.'

In a moment of ambition, he had applied for the Readership of
Lincoln's Inn, but, owing chiefly to the hostile influence of the
Record, the appointment had gone elsewhere. A little later, a
more important position was offered to him-- the office of sub-
almoner to the Queen, which had just been vacated by the
Archbishop of York, and was almost certain to lead to a mitre.
The offer threw Manning into an agony of self-examination. He
drew up elaborate tables, after the manner of Robinson Crusoe,
with the reasons for and against his acceptance of the post:

FOR AGAINST1. That it comes
unsought. 1. Not therefore to be accepted. Such

things are trials as well as
leadings.2. That it is honourable. 2. Being what I am, ought I

not therefore to decline it - (1)