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Fanny and the Servant Problem by Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka) Jerome
page 49 of 111 (44%)

NEWTE [bites the end off the cigar and puts it between his teeth.
This helps him]. No, I didn't know--not officially.

FANNY. What do you mean--"not officially"?

NEWTE. He never told me.

FANNY. He never told you ANYTHING--for the matter of that. I
understood you had found out everything for yourself.

NEWTE. Yes; and one of the things I found out was that he didn't
WANT you to know. I could see his little game. Wanted to play the
Lord Burleigh fake. Well, what was the harm? Didn't make any
difference to you!

FANNY. Didn't make any difference to me! [Jumps up.] Do you know
what I've done? Married into a family that keeps twenty-three
servants, every blessed one of whom is a near relation of my own.
[He sits paralysed. She goes on.] That bald-headed old owl--[with a
wave towards the door]--that wanted to send you off with a glass of
beer and a flea in your ear--that's my uncle. The woman that opened
the lodge gate for you is my Aunt Amelia. The carroty-headed young
man that answered the door to you is my cousin Simeon. He always
used to insist on kissing me. I'm expecting him to begin again. My
"lady's" maid is my cousin Jane. That's why I'm dressed like this!
My own clothes have been packed off to the local dressmaker to be
made "decent." Meanwhile, they've dug up the family vault to find
something for me to go on with. [He has been fumbling in all his
pockets for matches. She snatches a box from somewhere and flings it
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