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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 2: War by Artemus Ward
page 17 of 71 (23%)
luved his country dearly. He wasn't after the spiles. He was
a human angil in a 3 kornerd hat and knee britches, and we
shan't see his like right away. My frends, we can't all be
Washingtons but we kin all be patrits & behave ourselves in a
human and a Christian manner. When we see a brother goin down
hill to Ruin let us not give him a push, but let us seeze rite
hold of his coat tails and draw him back to Morality.

Imagine G. Washington and P. Henry in the character of
seseshers! As well fancy John Bunyan and Dr. Watts in
spangled tites, doin the trapeze in a one-horse circus!

I tell you, feller-citizens, it would have bin ten dollars in
Jeff Davis's pocket if he'd never bin born!

* * * * * * * *

Be shure and vote at leest once at all elecshuns. Buckle on
yer armer and go to the Poles. See two it that your naber is
there. See that the kripples air provided with carriages. Go
to the poles and stay all day. Bewair of the infamous lise
whitch the Opposishun will be sartin to git up fur perlitical
effek on the eve of eleckshun. To the poles and when you git
there vote jest as you darn please. This is a privilege we
all persess, and it is 1 of the booties of this grate and free
land.

I see mutch to admire in New Englan. Your gals in partickular
air abowt as snug bilt peaces of Calliker as I ever saw. They
air fully equal to the corn fed gals of Ohio and Injianny and
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