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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 2: War by Artemus Ward
page 6 of 71 (08%)
tiger among the rest. This tiger has a excentric way of
tearin dogs to peaces, and I allers sposed from his gineral
conduck that he'd hav no hesitashun in servin human beins in
the same way if he could get at them. Excuse me if I was
crooil, but I larfed boysterrusly when I see that tiger spring
in among the people. "Go it, my sweet cuss!" I inardly
exclaimed. "I forgive you for bitin off my left thum with all
my heart! Rip 'em up like a bully tiger whose Lare has bin
inwaded by Seseshers!"

I can't say for certain that the tiger serisly injured any of
them, but as he was seen a few days after, sum miles distant,
with a large and well selected assortment of seats of trowsis
in his mouth, and as he lookt as tho he'd been havin sum
vilent exercise, I rayther guess he did. You will therefore
perceive that they didn't confisticate him much.

I was carried to Montgomry in iuns and placed in durans vial.
The jail was a ornery edifiss, but the table was librally
surplied with Bakin an Cabbidge. This was a good variety, for
when I didn't hanker after Bakin I could help myself to the
cabbige.

I had nobody to talk to nor nothin to talk about, howsever,
and I was very lonely, specially on the first day; so when the
jailer parst my lonely sell I put the few stray hairs on the
back part of my hed (I'm bald now, but thare was a time when I
wore sweet auburn ringlets) into as dish-hevild a state as
possible, & rollin my eyes like a manyyuck, I cride: "Stay,
jaler, stay! I am not mad, but soon shall be if you don't
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