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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 5: The London Punch Letters by Artemus Ward
page 39 of 50 (78%)
from their deliberations.

Let it pars. I do not repine. Let us remember Homer. Twenty
cities claim Homer dead, thro' which the livin Mr. Homer couldn't
have got trusted for a sandwich and a glass of bitter beer, or
words to that effect.

But perhaps it was a oversight. Certinly I have been hospitably
rec'd in this country. Hospitality has been pored all over me.
At Liverpool I was asked to walk all over the docks, which are
nine miles along; and I don't remember a instance since my 'rival
in London of my gettin into a cab without a Briton comin and
perlitly shuttin the door for me, and then extendin his open hand
to'ards me, in the most frenly manner possible. Does he not, by
this simple yit tuchin gesture, welcum me to England? Doesn't
he? Oh yes--I guess he doesn't he. And it's quite right among
two great countries which speak the same langwidge, except as
regards H's. And I've been allowed to walk round all the
streets. Even at Buckinham Pallis, I told a guard I wanted to
walk round there, and he said I could walk round there. I
ascertained subsequent that he referd to the sidewalk instid of
the Pallis--but I couldn't doubt his hospital feelins.

I prepared a Essy on Animals to read before the Social Science
meetins. It is a subjeck I may troothfully say I have
successfully wrastled with. I tackled it when only nineteen
years old. At that tender age I writ a Essy for a lit'ry
Institoot entitled, "Is Cats to be Trusted?" Of the merits of
that Essy it doesn't becum me to speak, but I may be excoos'd for
mentionin that the Institoot parsed a resolution that "whether we
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